She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
