i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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