Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
