i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
