i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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