You can't special order awesome
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
