"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
