Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
