im six kinds of drunk right now
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
