She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
