Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
