moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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