Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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