I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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