Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
