when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
