did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
