On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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