The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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