I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
