I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
