the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
