guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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