Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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