if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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