I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
