I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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