he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
