I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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