take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
