shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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