Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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