I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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