I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
