I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He did a backflip because drugs
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