omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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