try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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