He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
