Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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