How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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