i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
