Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
