I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
