i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
