I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
