i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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