Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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