i will never coherently bang her
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
