the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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