Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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